


Tempted Hearts - The Ewan Chronicles

by CoveredinLemons



Category: Dunedin, Real World - Fandom
Genre: Friendfiction, M/M, Smut, man sex, real world AU, suffering chris
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5902042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoveredinLemons/pseuds/CoveredinLemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ewan gets more than he bargained for when he applies for a new job.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The relentless Dunedin sunshine beamed down on Ewan as he confusedly blinked his way through the seething metropolitan streets. Even in the middle of the day, neon lights gleamed and posters of the Mayor, juggernaut property developer turned celebrity billionaire playboy virtuoso tuba player Dean Hollebon grinned down at him from sky-scrapers and busses. Men and boys alike skirted around him on hover boards, swearing angrily and swatting him over his corn hued blonde head. Ewan shed a single tear that joined the sweat drops running down his nose. He needed to find a job. He needed to work so that he could pay Dean rent. Being three days behind in a payment meant 50 lashes with that ten pound dildo Dean kept in his back pocket, and already his buttocks were black and blue. He came to a stop outside a thrumming cafe, pink lights flashing onto the sidewalk from the windows of the little establishment, adding to the sexy party-vibe. Something about it made him pause, and then he saw a staff wanted poster in the window. He felt fate smile smellily in his anus. He took in a deep breath, trying to steel himself to enter.

“ _Hey there little cutie, why the shy look_?” Ewan’s eyes darted to meet the cavorting and huge eyes of a young man, who sat poised at a table outside. His long, limber legs draped elegantly on said table-top, a cigar between his long, lascivious fingers. The man was strikingly beautiful, and reminded Ewan of a stick figure. He felt a cool breeze on his sweaty face coming off of the fluttering luscious eyelashes of this creature, great blue eyes boring into his soul and beckoning him to _sin_ ….

“ _The name’s Dan_..” breathed the beguiling insectoid “ _What can I do for you my friend_ …” The honey trap lay back on the table and arranged his sinuous limbs in a seductive fashion, licking the salt and pepper shaker alike with his brown tongue. His brown hair was perfectly coiffed, the pretty face beneath it gleamed palely, eager to please. This was clearly a creature of the night, of darkness. Ewan felt an alarming swelling in his briefs. In this paradise city of only men, he, by some cruel trick of nature was born with heterosexual preferences. But knowing that women were superfluous and frankly ridiculous, he stayed in this paradise, refusing to drag himself outside the safety of its borders into the dangerous, poverty-stricken, nuclear wasteland that females inhabited. Therefore he was forced to engage in acts of unholy nature, with other men, to quell his inner loneliness. Not that anything was considered unholy here, in front of this glittering denizen of vice. Ewan reconciled himself to the prospect of speaking, and therefore announcing his now seemingly silly intention of looking for employment, when a great muscled god burst through a nearby window, shattering glass and the scene alike and showering the two delicate figures deadlocked outside in a refreshing blast of testosterone.

“HEY I’M DAVID!” he cried and the gleam of his smile was temporarily blinding. The sun seemed a little brighter suddenly, or perhaps it was the scene, reflected in David’s tanned, well oiled bulging muscles.

“Wow, i’m feeling a bit silly now! I was just coming in for a job interview but…” Exclaimed Ewan self-consciously. “Do you all work here?” He wondered aloud, thinking of his chances. The sexy stick eyed him appraisingly.

“ _You’ve got nothing to worry about_.” He slithered off his seat with a whisper of smooth jazz, and closer to Ewan, who stiffened at the movement.

“NOT AT ALL!” Bounced the ball of muscle-meat, hugging Ewan in a very informal and forward manner. Dan the stick-figure recoiled as if stung and hunched over, glaring at Ewan, who felt all of a sudden uncomfortable. The muscly God-human finally let go of Ewan, and backed away, smiling and friendly, while the tepid-seaweed remained hunched and wounded looking, eyeing Ewan with contempt beneath manicured brows. “COME MEET THE TEAM!” David seized his hand and dragged him inside, breaking a few bones and causing internet bleeding in the process. Ewan glanced hesitantly back to the ball of angst on the table outside, its long thin bones were cracking as they rearranged themselves protectively around the large eyeballs in a crustacean-like manner, the pale tattooed skin on the outside glowing mournfully. Thirty seconds into the job and he knew he’d made a powerful enemy.

He was then stopped in his tracks at the sight that greeted him inside. He was greeted by a line of unfairly attractive men, scantily clad with tight suit pants that revealed _all sorts of shapes_. Their bare chests nicely complimented by pink lacy bow ties. Ewan’s breath stuttered in his chest. The second tallest, a hunk with michaelangelic looks and a boy next door vibe stepped forward.

“Hey friend, I’m Max! What can we do you for?” His smile was almost as blinding as the man god still crushing his hand. The man god in question matched the grin, and the room was temporarily white and burning.

“THIS IS NEW GUY!! I DIDN’T LEARN HIS NAME!!” Gleamed David, “DAN FOUND HIM! I JUST KNOW CHRIS WILL LOVE HIM!” He was now vibrating with excitement, sending an alarming sensation up Ewan's arm.

“Just _who_ will I love?” Came an ominous voice from a velvet curtain in the back. The room then became silent, the booty-popping music that had been playing previously stopping abruptly as everyone’s attention shifted to the voice behind the curtains. They slowly opened to reveal a dark leather wingback chair, turned away from the occupants of the room. Tension rippled through the cafe, spilling drinks as the chair began to turn, revealing a mobster like, tanned itallian hunk.

“What’s all the fuss boys?” He raised one mature eyebrow. He looked like Hercules, if Hercules had taken 10 years of retirement and a life of crime. The result was sexy. He turned his aristocratic features toward Ewan. “Now just who do we have here?  
  
END OF CHAPTER..

 


	2. Chapter 2

The first day was almost over. Ewan sighed dramatically as he picked up a glass from the table he had been propositioned from just hours before. With his striking good looks he had been hired at the _Goat with Two Orifices_ on the spot, and thus had started his career at the bottom rung of the cafe bitch ladder. Dan, the effeminate and beguiling blade of grass had been hissing at him from under the tables his whole shift. He suspected there was something between him and the pro wrestler, otherwise known as David. But from the possessive way that Dan was behaving - he wasn’t sure if it was requited, or public. In any case, the day had left him exhausted - but at least he could assure Dean that he’d have money for him soon, and avoid tonights demonstration of dominance - which required him to have his balls plucked with a pair of tweezers. Dean would collect the hairs on a plate, and later either cook them in an omelette and have Ewan eat it, or eat it slowly himself while staring into Ewans eyes, and Ewan wasn’t allowed to look away… He needed a drink. Finally having packed everything up, he said is dues to the team of would-be models, and exited the premise. Once outside he glanced sharply around the street, looking to find that drink….Dan had stressed him out, and the hissing still rung eerily in his eardrums. That was then he spotted a dark alley opposite where he stood, with a bright blinking sign at the entrance saying ‘ENTRANCE.’ Intrigued, he headed for it, admiring the penis drawings on the brick walls of the alley. His head was swimming from all that had happened to him in so short a time, but his wilful legs led him down the slope of the dark alleyway and he found himself at what appeared to be a cavern, dimly lit and set into the urban jungle. The yellow glow of the lanterns warmed him and he drifted inside. The glow of fire and candles lit the room, dimly. It was warm, Ewan was glancing about himself, to the lavishly cow-hair covered couches when a voice greeted him.

“Hello there sir, how may I help?” Ewan gasped and was taken aback again, when he took in the image of the most beautiful man he’d seen that day. Short in stature, but chiseled in features, glasses balanced on a strong domineering nose accentuated a sassy pout and sleazy stance.

“Hi there, what’s your name?” Ewan asked, he had to know.

“Chris, but you should call me 'The Clutch.'”

“Hi, The Clutch….nice to meet you.” Breathed Ewan, lust clouding his vision. The Clutch peered at him calculatingly over the bar.

“Want a drink?” He asked, his tone naked and animalistic. Ewan was slightly sweat stained and hormonal. He buzzed with all the testosterone thrumming through his veins and his eyeballs 


	3. Chapter 3

Ewan awoke in a dumpster, feeling groggy and sticky. He squinted as the sunlight penetrated his skull, lightly frying his brain like bacon. His head pounded worse than an underage jackhammer on its first job. He realized some of the commotion was on the outside of his head, being caused by two yelling individuals in the alleyway around him. He lay still as a slug sensing danger.

"BUT BABE I LOVE YOU CUM B4CKK!!" Came the piteous cry, followed by the sexy thumping of a presumably buff manbody rolling it's way along the pavement. He wantered out of the alley and was blinded by DAVID and the thin sinuous form of the insect DAN, whose tears were shining like dew drops on a fresh lawn.  
  
" _Your flirting is more than I can take!"_ Cried Dan, his emotions flooding out like hydrated urine.  _"Yesterday with the new boy, and last week with those builders, and now. I saw the looks you and Chris were sharing. It's more than I can Bear!"_  
  
Ewan felt at odds with the emotioness of the environment. He blushed red like a turnip and tried to pretend to look like a standing lamp. Dan was now catching on the breeze and occasionally wafted upwards as he continued to vent heartily. 

 _"You're toying with my heard DAvid. I cannot_ handle  _it."_ He leant forward creakily and whispered the dreaded word like poison;  _"slut."_  
  
David recoiled and temporarily exploded, before hanging his head, all puppy-sadness and mistreatment. Ewan noticed the flicker of regret in Dan's spherical orbs, before he blinked it away with effort and scowled moorishly at the pavement all teen-boy misunderstood and  _legs that could kill._  
(He'd spent time that morning sharpening his leg-hairs and painting them pink.)

David frowned adorably. " **I WILL PROVE MY LOVE FOR YOU!"** He boomed, his head bursting into anime flames, turning his hair white and increasing his power. A truck appeared on the street, driving in a way that would have been considered reckless before the great Mayor Dean aboloshed all traffic laws. As if in slow motion, the David steered his impressive body prison in the way of the speeding vehicle. A singel manly tear trickled down his pectorals and he tunrd to his vertical slice of crumpet. Dans eyes widened until he temporarily ceased to exist and the truck driver, a single cat owner named Kevin slammed the horn (but never the brakes). The truck crumpled as it collided with the mound of flesh. BOOM.  
  
_Dan screamed._  



	4. Chapter 4

_There is a magical power inherent in men, a power that is based on instinct more than conscious thought or emotion._ Ewan wrote in his dairy.  
_The Clutch brings out this power in me..._ He paused and shook his head, erasing that last sentence. He'd gone too far with Chris, it made him erect and blushful, like a potato chip dip. A groan pulled him away from his musings and he looked up to the mound of muscles spread over the hospital bed he was sat by.  
"David, u ok?" 

The man mound pulsated at him in response and he took it to mean that David would b fine.

just then the hotizontsl piece of silly string burst in, carrying a large leather bag of regret and emotions . He was accompanied by a green man. Ewan observed this manly creature fearfully. He had knives sticking out of his pockets, and gave off a dangerous vibe - his voluminous red lips emitting faint noises of trumpets & screaming. His fashionable 90s dark shades concealing strong laser blue eyes -his secret weapon.

Dans emotions fell out of his bag with a splash and struck Ewan hard on the leg. 

" _Is he Okay_?" Dan fluttered. Ewan nodded, but dan paid no attention to his response. Instead, he retreated into a puddle of foul-smelling grief, stroking sadly at his green conpanions feet. 

"Hi" said the green one, "im tim." He removed his sunglasses to reveal another pair beneath.

ewan was too threatened too shake his hand. Tim approached him, his lips red as blood parting flirtfully.

"Let's ditch these losers and party." The green one suggested, pulling out a poco dot party hat and donning it atop his curly brown head. White powder trickled down from behind his sunglasses. Ewen felt his chest tighten. He was kind of tempted, but then he saw the Brocken hearts trailing behind Tim on a string and reserved himself. 

"I party alone." He said coldly, trying not to think of The Clutch.

Tim backed away, pulled out a gun made of cocaine and started polishing it, pushing his oiled hair out of his bad-boy face while glaring meaningfully out of the window.

" _he's Dean's newest debt collector._ " explained dan from his puddle. " _He has the world record for dildo butt-smacking."_

Ewan trembled in his sexc pink boots. Dean only hired a 'special' sort of character to collect debt for him. He wondered just how much pubic hair this green one had eaten in his time. Just then the Tim bent over, and like a cat began coughing up a Hairball onto the hospital carpet. Dan re-formed and watched sternly, feeling contemplative & beautiful. Time stood and dan Reached out tentatively to touch the green ones luscious lips, and play notes from them - trumpet-like & mournful sounding. They gazed at each other, shyly but lovingly.

David coughed sickly, interrupting everyone's posing and rolled over, passing out - his muscles releasing air and deflating an inch. Dan screeched and floated out the window. Leaving a guilt-filled egg in the room behind him, which Tim quickly coveted - vowing to raise the offspring of his beloved twiglet. 

Ewan sighed and thought of dim candles, and The Clutche's slippery touch. Mmmm

he made for the alley of sultry confusion & pleasure. Bidding the mass of fear and plump lips goodbye.

....

walking down the alley with the penis drawings, Ewan was greeted with the sounds of moaning. Fear gripping his penis threateningly he rushed forward - only to be greeted with the sight of the pale naked flesh of the paper gazelle lain out on the cow skin sofa. Above him hovered The Clutch, his nose engorged with sexual fortitude. Ewan felt his heart pump hurtfully in a homosexual direction. Tears flooded his body and he was overcome with the sadness of betrayal. He fainted.


	5. Chapter 5

Ewan looked up, and saw through the pulsing darkness a cucumber inexplicably perched on one of the cowhide couches. He approached shyly

"Hey little buddy! Are you lost?"

"I'll fukn kill u..." replied the vegetable and pulled out a switchblade.

"Oh! Hey Tim!" Ewan peeped out, embarrassed from such a foible. "Sorry I didn't recognize you friend!"

"Hmmph. No worries mah man.." the green fruit replied and plunged the knife into a passerby. "It's my disguise.. I was on the outside... trawlin fr wimmen...."

Ewan tried to hold back vomit. How low could this character sink? Ewan had done the crazy thing and after awakening from his faint, he had burst into the dimly lit cavern of temptation - THe Clutch had skittered away like a crab with a secret and retreated behind the bar, Leaving Dan to quickly gather his clothes about him. Tim pulled EWan away from his thoughts as he began to inflate and reform, strobe lights eminating from him. A pair of sunglasses appeared first over top the bulging cucumber, Stands of hair, perfectly coated in product popped out one by one, and with a great sensual noise, much like a Tuba playing filled with jelly, the red lips emerged "ppppreeeebbbnlllfummmmbbrpp!"

"Yo " said the man, as if nothing untoward had ever happened . Ewan felt a blush touching him discretely on the shoulder and looked over to see the disheveled dried-eel, his usually perfectly coiffed hair a mess, moonlight bouncing off his glowing blush.

" _Hey_ _man_." Said Dan to the green one, softly like the coo of a mother dove. Tim tenderised as he looked at Dan, badness seeping out of his pores with an ominous hiss until his glasses cracked and fell off, revealing his half-soul blue eyes and turning his skin a lighter shade of green. With David out of sight and out of mind, Dan's lust went unchecked. And he had always wanted the green man. Ewan backed away toward the bar, eyes still on the pair, his back turned to The Clutch. Was The Clutch not jealous having only attempted Panky with the toothpick minutes before? Ewan felt naughty, like a school boy, and decided to let this situation play out. He could feel the Cluthes energy behind him as Dan began a swarthy jive, his midsection undulating where hips should be, catching Treens eyes and hooking him in... The Green Ones tongue flopped from his mouth as he watched the vertical bamboo stick dance. He held his exhausted cucumber close to his chest to protect it, Dan's large buzzing eyes Were calling to him hypnotically. Ewan turned around to look at the clutch and saw he was peeping at the scene with flashing perverted eyes. Ewan's heart throbbed hurriedly as jealousy rifled through his pockets, Flashes of Dan  & The Clutch covorting earlier assaulting his consciousness. The clutch glanced at him, and he froze, emotion seizing control of his body. He gazed at The Cluthes throbbing nose, grappling with his own poorly suppressed feelings. The Clutched smirked at Ewan. His glasses smiled and his mouth glinted. "4sum....?"


	6. Chapter 6

clutch liked his lips and sithered closer to the heap of writhing man limbs on the cow sofa. Ewan stepped in his way, eyes dark and intent. The clutch smirked.

menwhile Tim brandished his cucumber and willed it to waken, exhausted as it was from smacking it on the faces the young and classless women living uncivilised in the great outdoors. Dan petted tim gently, with tissue paper hands, trying not to laugh happily as he himself brandished a much bigger, and livelier cucumber. Tim kissed Dan on the cheek and said sadly  
"This isn't going to work. You're too emotionally mature for me, you might tell me to stop my bullshit and i'll respect you for it. I just can't do it with someone i respect!" Tears flooded out of his face and anus as he wafted into the air in green gaseous form. Dan tried to call sadly for him to come back, but all that came was a strangled sob out of his perfect eyebrows. His heart tore itself out of his chest and was added to the string of other hearts trailing behind Tim as he flew out of the window, leaving behind a very bad smell and a pile of his faeces where the stretched salmon's heart was just moments ago.  
"where da high school girls at" echoed through the room like a ghost at his departure. "they get what i'm about."  
Dan looked down at the gaping hole in his chest like a flower blooming inwardly with some poo on it. Tim never respected his finely dry cleaned attire. That bad-boy fuck you was part of his charm. They all took in the stench.

"YO! What up dooogs!"

The door burst open and the three men blinked at the beaming sunshine. Max, the wholesome american boy next door invaded the atmosphere forcefully high fiving everyone including the coat rack. The Ctulch shrivelled in disapproval, hating anyone who dared diffuse his creepi dungeon atmosphere. His previously engorged nose deflated and slumped onto the bartop with a wet slap, flaccid and unusable.

"actually there's an emergency at thee Goat with Two Orifaces guys, if you wanna help." said max, looking suddenly damp, he was not used to any bad news.

"What happened?! Is David awake?" Dan forgot all that had just happened conveniently at the mention of something to do with his love gorilla.

"ugh what, you interrupted my sex." Grumbled the Clutch, as Ewan scampered to do up the buttons on his shirt, glowing redly like a red colored grape.

"What happened?" asked Ewan, concerned.

Max sighed, "Dude, Tim appeared in the cafe, he'd snuck a _woman_ into the city. A woman! Naturally the police quickly showed up and shot her dead, diffusing the whole situation. A woman! at the Great Goat! As if that wasn't enough - tim declared his temporary infatuation with the teenage female and kept screaming 'i'm a bad boy' until he died, exploding faeces through the whole place. We need help cleanin it all up guys." 

They all quickly put on their wee booties and headed out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

The scene at The Goat was a mess; feces, blood and alarming shades of green streaked all over the leather furniture and velvet walls. Ewan's nose wrinkled, not at the smell of shit, but the unmistakable stench of woman. Ugh. Chris, the mafioso owner of Goat was expressing his displeasure on the unwitting staff member who had let the Green Man and his foul companion in, lightly buttering his elbows before breaking them with the butt of a dildo shaped pistol. Ewan's butt clenched in fear of the bringer of pain, (the dildo) having been brought to heel by Dean with this torture method only days before.  
The sample cut of silk fabric sighed beside him, grabbing a mop and bucket methodically - as if he had cleaned up after The Greenman many times before. The woman he had brought inside the walls was dead and being dragged from the premise by the police who had shot her. She was to be made into cat food, and Ewan felt a strange Surge of pity.

"Is.. Tim dead?" Ewan asked gingerly.

"Who _knows_.. " whispered his beautiful companion. " _They say one so evil can never truly be killed_.."

Ewan thought Dan had taken Tims demise rather lightly. It seemed he clung to hope.

"He was the Greenest of them all. We will never forget." Consoled Ewan dispassionately, eyeing the dead woman. He was angry her vagina tricks had felled a fellow man. He felt the touch of a crab hand gently on his thigh and looked down into the glistening eyes of The Clutch. Seeing sadness in the eyes of one so 2-dimensional and sexish made him vow his revenge. A great shame had been brought down on them all. Ewan struggled to think of a way to fix it.. Some possible answer sat on the back of his brain like a hobo at a bus stop, impossible to reach. He watched Dan flail against the relative sturdiness of the mop, and his coworkers screams as his boss finished the final elbow. 

Sadness sagged like an elderly scrotum over them all

 


	8. Everything, or, The Sum of Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authorized by Chris The Boss himself!!! Luv all uuu fans xoxo poopergirl

It took 16 hours to clean up the mess. Chris led a rousing chorus of cleanilnes, conducting the team with pep talks and sporadic gun fire until all of the boys were half deaf and shuddering at any sudden noises. Ewan engrossed himself in the work and tried in vain not to let his thoughts stray to the sexish distraction of the Clutch, who refused to help at all as the Tim already owed him about $15,000 in drinks from the last week alone. Dan, betraying his inner delicacy wilted visibly and passed out around the five minute mark, and Max tenderly scooped him up with one broad hand and popped him into a nearby cabinet with a bottle of wine nearby. Ewan glanced at the mafioso boss man Chris, just as Chris unzipped his sneakish fly. Ewan, being a little bit of a slut, glanced only momentarily at the object of his sexfection before advancing readily towards his new boss. He'd neared the leather arm chair that his controller was lounging in when Chris began to sweep the tables with his rope-like length. Ewan brandished eagerly his membership card, (hoping to be punished later by the sourly observing Clutch).

"Hey boss." Said Ewan, embracing his geisha side. "Haven't really had the chance to  _get to know you_ yet dude.  _Hope that time is now,"_

Chris raised a tanned eyebrow. "You'd do well to keep at your work, should you want to have your time with The Beast" (he said, referencing his own penis). He frowned in a mature and commanding way, daring Ewan to break eye-contact to the appendage now reaching across the room an patting Max on the buttocks. "Only good working boys get their rewards.."

He winked, and Ewan skittered back to the wall he was disinfecting. He fest like there was a promise there. He felt a slimy touch slither out from a crack in the cabinet he was nearby, and saw Dan crouched in there, gooey and sad but still the babe. 

_"You'd do well to not be a slut, Ewan."_ Said Dan, his voice hoarse from all the mopping. " _you know what happened to David...'_ He recoiled suddenly, remmebering the pain that his life-partner must be suffering. He sadly stroked his  **perineum**  through his skinny jeans as tears fell silently out of his hair.  


Ewan felt sudden shame, and not a little arousal and turned his greenish eyes away. How could he think of sin while David still drooled and hissed in a hospital bed? The gorilla would know exactly what to do in this pickle. "Dan!" Ewan cried.

" _What?"_ whispered the creature  _"You're interrupting my sadness"_

"I think, no. I know.. I have an idea!" Ewan popped and crackled like rice bar in a pool of acid. "Come with me!"  He looped the protesting thread of melancholy to his belt and sprinted away, Dan flapping and moaning in the breeze.

 

\-------

 

Inside, Chris the Boss looked up from where he was sodomising the coffee machine. "Where's Ewan and Dan?" He asked in a dangerous whisper. His large penis curled and whipped like a dangerous cobra. He never had to raise his voice.

"They ran in the direction of the hospital!" Cried Max, cheerful and patriotic.

"Right..." The poor coffee machine burst, unable to take his huge load. Chris slammed his hand down in frustration and all the sexy boys wet themselves. "We'll see about that...."


	9. Chapter 9

The Clutch brooded manfully at his bar. He had left the Goat in digust at the smel and slouched his way down the alley 2 his work because he never left a bar when there was a chance for seduction, which was 24/7 for him. The low bass and cowskin smeel put him at ease. As he was pouring himself a scotch (so MAN) his ears piqued quick footsteps and a distinct flapping sound. "Where is EWAN going with DAN?" His balls shook with anger.

THE 2bois wept as they arrived, saddened and moist like two naughty kids who had forgotten their terminally ill friend at the hospital, but in a sexy way.  
David lay blue and wilted on the bed, his once glowing face a little dead. BEEEEEEEp

"OOOhhh Gooooood" Wept Dan "Its too late! My rugged hairy flower!"

"I know a way!" Ewan clung 2 hope "Call everyone! Every sexc boi u kno!!"

Booty popping music filled the room. Ewan bagan to rock his pelivis skillfully back and forth to the beat. A stobe light appeared from the ceiling and flared.  
"we must commence the booty-boi cpr ceremony." queefed Dan wisely out of nowhere, as a veteran of such things, knitting a loose pinkk sweater in the corner.  
Lust pulced in the room as the hot men summoned the spirit of the wise-Dean, (may he bring prosperity and heath) to David's bedside.  
Dan secretely prayed to the desceased spirit of Tim that he would win big in lotto and david would live. Max, Andrew, Matt, James and Rory climbed through the windows and up the drains and joined them. The hospital staff sealed the room, observing the sacredness of the desperate measure and the boys all began the waggling. Already the air in the room was electric with their combined energies. They pressed their erections together to make a star shape, and it began to glow pinkly, slightly menacing. Dan, still in the corner, dropped the sweater he was knitting and leapt forward like a dancer, his member exposed rudely.  
The room glowed chartreuse and they knew no more.


	10. Chapter 10

Ewan awoke groggily like a frog recovering from cancer treatment. He glanced about him and noticed he was beneath a pile of his naked man-friends, oiled and doll like in their sleeps. Water dripped from the stone walls of the room they were confined in. Drip drip.

"So. You've awoken then." Said an ominous voice. Ewan spurted around to face Chris, owner of The Goat, who was observing them in his velvet robe. He pulled the robe back to reveal his delicate bare knee. "Welcome to my dungeon."

Ewan tried to ignore Chris's handsome (but delicate) knee as apprehension began swelling in his testes. "What have you done." He said.

Chris frowned, sturdy and absolute. "It is in your contract. This is your punishment. You walked out on your duties, and now you are here."

"But we were saving David's Life!" Ewan inerjected beneath the manpile.

"And good work you did," replied Chris cooly "He is alive and awake, singing upstairs like the little lark he is. The hospital released him three days ago"

He hovered closer ominously, his handsome brows creeping along his face and touching Ewan not so reassuringly on the thigh. Ewan with great effort lifted his head and checked the pile. As far as he could see, the booti boys slept peacefully unharmed, as if drugged into blissful slumber. But he could not feel the slender poke of that which he saught.

"Where's Dan?" he quivered tremulusly

"Come' ejected Chris. "I will show you"

==================================

 

A moan like a dandylion catching on the wind greeted Ewans ears as Chris lead him into the neaboring room. Ewan burst forward, fearful for his friend, his now precious strip of bacon's safety. Chris lagged behind, velveet masking his expressions. The door opened creakily....  
There was the pillow slip, lain out over a wooden torture instrument, moaning happily at all the attention the confusted torturers were giving him. They upped the pain dail and Dan giggled, pleased they were so concerned with his treatment and well aware he was the star of the room. Ewan blushed, trying to ignore the glow of the parchment's skin.

"Why are you doing this!" Demanded Ewan hotly.

Chris the Boss sithered along the walls ejactulating as he came. "My duty as an employer." He put simply. He tuched sin Dans face with a metal claw gently. dan lbished in the attention and his parts sang a long song of home and lonliness. Ewan didn't realise he like prog rock. he shivered.

"put the other on the table" The order came gently from his employers lips, and Ewan was picked up by a sweating group of young men less handsome than his cowerkers at Goat but still strangely familiar. "Yes master" - one rasped in a generic fashion. He was strapped to a long coffee table face down alongside Dan and the hunched moistened creatures began to converse passionately about wich vegetebles to feed first 2 inappropriate areas.

=================================

MEANWHIALE OUTSIDE THE DUNGEON CAVE

The Clutch was digging at the hard rock of the goats walls with a fashionable spoon - earger to rescue his totally-not-dating not-boyfriend and get some penile-points 4heriosm. He took a moment to picture Ewan, suspended in the air with grattitude & wearing tight but removable hogwarts robes.  
His spoon hit open air and he was in. Covered in the secretions of his efforts and 2x traces of Evansdale brie Tania smoked-light cheese, he breached the lower dungeon of The Goat. The air smellied like Fear with a capital F.

"Lets find you my love" His nose admitted to no one around. Years of offscreen character development had led to this moment. He always knew he was to be a hero, the thought having first pulled him as a boy while he watched his father struggle with a clog of stray pubes in the bathtub. The acrid smell of sexi boy torture was easy to follow and he churned downwards into the darkness.

===================================

"I'm a reasonable man" claimed Chris as he popped a third well lubed radish into Ewans anus. "My terms of employment are some of the finest in the city"  
He swiveled toward Dan as he changed his rubber gloves for a fresh pair. "Did I ever push too hard? Dominate too much? No. I take pride in my fair treatment."  
Ewan heard the wet giggling of what he now recognised as the reclusive kitchen staff behind him. "Vegan aioli!" They cried.


	11. Chapter 11

On the outskirts of the city two nameless side characters were wiling their way through another long night shift monitoring Dunedin's 60 ft high technocomplicated city walls. Beep boop went the sci fi computers and an evil(!) red light flashed malignantly.

"Ugh bettr go check, it's saying theres a breach in the 32nd layer again" grumbled nameless disposable character #1.

"Get to it quick! Our Lord DEan has been quick with the butter bean torture lately." replied nameless disposable character #2. Despite their anonymity they looked efficient and sexish in their uniforms. The languidly sprinted down the wall shafts until they shone ther ineffective horror movie torches at the plot point.

"Ohh my sweet DEAN..." #1 trembled and collapseed into #2's arms. Togather they stared hoplessly down the crude tunnel breaching the walls and leading from the outside wasteland in..

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"This is how I usually prefer to spend my weekends." Murmured Chris thoughtfully, he was using his pinky toes to knit a loose-weave scarf (him and Dan were currently in a boyish knit-wear challenge) while he circled Ewans plump nipple with a rough blade. Ewan, exausted from the torture, musturd up a glare.

"You can't keep us here." He spoke horsely, craning his neck to look at the wilted flower, who had passed out in sexual bliss from the 14th asparagus. Chris, who is bosslike and never shies from a challenge pretended to lose control of his blade - accidentally slicing off the pointy bit of Ewans nipple.

"Oops!" Said Chris happily, "too much time punishing the kitchen boys - butter fingers!" Ewan cried out unhappily at the loss of his chest-dimple. He was disfigured! Who would love him now? He shied away at the thought of The Clutch, knowing he was now too ugly for sex. Chris popped the appendage in a tiny glass vial which he tied to a string around his neck. Ewan spied many other nipples-in-jars hanging from the same string, and wondered who they belonged to. Chris then rose to his feet and headed in the direction fo the beautiful slumbering manatee. Ewan's ass cheeks fluttered in fear, flapping like a desperate bird in search of seed.

"No CHRIS! YOU CANNOT TOUCH HIM!" Tears began to flood down his face at the thought of the oily oboe getting cut; "Don't take away his manhood!" Whatever would Dan do if he awoke missing a nippe? Ewan blanched at the thought.

"I do wat I please, as any good emplorryer" Chris the Boss was swelling with the power of it all, eyebrows and nose engoriging to dangerous levels. "It was all in your contract, and you have not yet withdrawn your consent." He was right. Ewan, delicate and fashinable flower though he was was still man to play this turbo game of chicken. Afetr all, bois will b bois, And though the loss of a nipple was disfiguring he surely had some man points by now. Chris raised the knife to the delicate pale-candle's nipplé - Suddenly a kitchen staff member burst thru the door.

"Your Eggselense!" Matt rasped, hoarse and dead from baking all the little cakes and slices. "Dean is coming! To the Goat!"

"Great Goodness!" Exclaimed Chris, honored at the thought of The Lord and Mayor gracing his establishment. "I must go at once, and make sure he has the best service available!" He tucked his string of bottled-nipples into his shirt and slicked his hair back. Hurrying out of the room. Ewan sighed in relief at his friends escape. Dan remained asleep. Just then The Clutch burst through the stone ceiling, brandishing a spoon. Ewan ghasped and struggled to cover his bloodied chest-shame, despite being restrained to a coffee-table. The clutch triamphantly crossed the room as he Spotted euan, rushing over and kissing him firmly on the lips.

"Saved you,  _babe._ " He said. Some of Ewans hair fell out, such was the force of his blush.

"The Clutch! I didn't expect to see you here!" he babbled, hoping The Clutch wouldn't notice all of the blood. He did.

"What's this?..." Demanded The Clutch threateningly.....Ewan gulped.


End file.
